Jump to content
blow

Need Advice [law school and long-distance relationships]

Recommended Posts

@HouseOfPolycarbonate 

That definitely is a fair point. I definitely hope our relationship lasts, but it would be horrible if it didn't and I ended up moving. I do however feel that he is completely dedicated to things working out between us, but I can't ask him to put me before his education when he worked so hard to get where he is. 

Thanks for your reply :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 minute ago, blow said:

@HouseOfPolycarbonate 

That definitely is a fair point. I definitely hope our relationship lasts, but it would be horrible if it didn't and I ended up moving. I do however feel that he is completely dedicated to things working out between us, but I can't ask him to put me before his education when he worked so hard to get where he is. 

Thanks for your reply :)

As others have said, if you aren't really losing much from transferring, then it might be reasonable to take the risk.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
13 hours ago, blow said:

In the beginning of the semester I genuinely would go all day without talking to anyone in real life--my sole form of communication would be over my phone. I realized over time that people in my cohort have made friends because they all party together/ drink together and because I'm not someone that enjoys those things I've just slunk into the shadows so to speak. It's extremely difficult for me to make friends ordinarily, but the frat environment is not something I'm able to get on board with.

I'm so sorry to hear that. I went through a period of intense social anxiety in undergrad, so I can understand the loneliness. Law school is especially tricky, since the community is so small and people tend to gravitate towards people who are similar to them.

I don't want to impose solutions, but I've found that extracurriculars (ex. Clinic, journal) to be a great place to meet non-partygoing people - or at least to see the down-to-earth side of people you'd normally consider partygoing. I also find that interactive sports (ex. martial arts, group fitness, rock climbing) are a great way to stay physically, mentally, and socially healthy. Or improv, but it's admittedly pretty intimidating from the outset.

I hope you find your rhythm!

  • Thanks 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
17 hours ago, blow said:

@HouseOfPolycarbonate 

That definitely is a fair point. I definitely hope our relationship lasts, but it would be horrible if it didn't and I ended up moving. I do however feel that he is completely dedicated to things working out between us, but I can't ask him to put me before his education when he worked so hard to get where he is. 

Thanks for your reply :)

I think this is kind of your answer... Listen I used to be as romantic and optimistic as you. In fact, I actually did chose a school for my boyfriend at the time. The only reason I did, however, is because I was so torn between 2 schools that either would have been great. As most of these stories go, we broke up. luckily, I was completely happy and loving the city I was in and the fact that I went there for him never really mattered. But your answer here tells me that won't be the case. Most relationships that people come into 1L with end. It's just how it goes. And as much as you might believe your boyfriend loves you and will do anything to stay with you, people change. I don't want to sound like a pessimist but I guess part of growing up is realizing that you have no control over other people. Do what is best for you, not for him. If he is part of what is best for you, amazing. But remember the alternate you. The one you need to protect in case it doesn't work.

If you need someone to talk to, feel free to PM me 

Edited by CoffeeandLaw
  • Thanks 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I had a long distance relationship that last about 1.5 years. It's really difficult and the distance really makes your relationship fragile. There was no cheating or anything in our relationship, but eventually it just fell apart before I saw it coming. I was doing the same, planning to move over to another province. 

I've learned from that relationship that, you need to make decisions based on yourself, especially with a relationship that only started like a year ago. I agree with the previous comments, definitely see how much he has sacrificed first. I was planning to move to another province but my partner was not planning to do the same for me, and I found out way too late. 

I understand how difficult this whole thing is. If you need to talk, feel free to PM! 

  • Sad 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

In my mid 20s I did LDR for about two years. Being the hopeless fuck who would do anything for their partner I quit my very stable job and moved to a foreign country to be with this person. After about two years abroad, it did not work out. I would have liked to tell my old self to be a little smarter about stuff like this, and maybe focus on forming relationships locally, making that last... just one person's experience. Hopefully you are more rational than me. Good luck. 

  • Thanks 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 11/2/2019 at 11:48 PM, blow said:

This is something I have truly been trying to actively work on. In the beginning of the semester I genuinely would go all day without talking to anyone in real life--my sole form of communication would be over my phone. I realized over time that people in my cohort have made friends because they all party together/ drink together and because I'm not someone that enjoys those things I've just slunk into the shadows so to speak. It's extremely difficult for me to make friends ordinarily, but the frat environment is not something I'm able to get on board with. That said I'm trying my best to enjoy the city/ partake in other activities outside of the law school. But it is still debilitatingly lonely at times.

I don't have any relationship advice, I just wanted to touch on this since I'm also at UofA and I don't do the partying/drinking stuff, yet have found friends. Have you signed up for any ECs? I agree with the person who posted above that you get to see a different side of people with clinics/SLS.

Do you talk to the people who sit nearby? Even just a "good morning" in the first class of the day?

When I got here I worried that I wouldn't make friends because my first priority is studying, and I like to head to the library and study between classes, but honestly most people are in the same boat and will understand.

Anyway I'm pretty sure you're not in my cohort, or else I'd offer to study together - but if you want, that offer is still open! We'll just have to finagle schedules haha.

Good luck!! It's only two months in, and I hope that in the next six months you'll find your niche. :)

  • Thanks 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

My now husband and I did long distance for three years when he was playing hockey. I'd go visit him once or sometimes twice over the hockey season. Facetime was essential and we would mail each other care packages. If anything, the long distance made our relationship stronger. Of course it was hard at times (holidays, birthdays, random days) but it makes you really appreciate and make the most of the time you have together. Long distance also strengthens communication and trust (hopefully). Also, care packages are a lot of fun to prepare and obviously receive. 

That being said, everyone is different and has different needs. 

We've been together for 7 years and, if I get into law school, will be doing another 3 years of long distance.  

Good luck with whatever you decide to do. :) (No joke, care packages are the absolute bomb)

  • Like 1
  • Thanks 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.



×
×
  • Create New...