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Hi all, 

I've been extremely frustrated with how the department I work in is being run for about a year now. It's to the point where I know I cannot work here anymore (I won't go into specifics but I've made a very clear decision to move on). 

I am currently actively applying and interviewing elsewhere. Does anyone have any tips on how to bite my tongue/act like nothing is wrong until I get this new position? Coworkers have commented that I do not seem like myself (I'm normally a cheerful person) and I'd like to avoid any suspicion that I'm planning to leave. Of course, I will give appropriate notice when I do leave.

Thoughts?

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13 hours ago, Law Girl26 said:

Does anyone have any tips on how to bite my tongue/act like nothing is wrong until I get this new position?

Other than just "doing it", I don't know what kind of tips you'd like to hear.

If I were in your position, I'd stay as friendly as I reasonably could, in particular with people who I don't mind being around, at least for my own sanity. With the rest, I'd remain professional, but I wouldn't see a particular need to be outgoing or cheerful. I'd still do my work well and make sure my deliverables are exceptional. And I'd be actively looking for another job.

I've been in your situation before (not in law), and that formula seemed to work well. I know it's going to be harder than it sounds, but I don't know any way you can accomplish your goal without some sacrifice from your end (i.e., just biting the bullet for now), unfortunately.

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On 2018-06-11 at 12:25 PM, Law Girl26 said:

Hi all, 

I've been extremely frustrated with how the department I work in is being run for about a year now. It's to the point where I know I cannot work here anymore (I won't go into specifics but I've made a very clear decision to move on). 

I am currently actively applying and interviewing elsewhere. Does anyone have any tips on how to bite my tongue/act like nothing is wrong until I get this new position? Coworkers have commented that I do not seem like myself (I'm normally a cheerful person) and I'd like to avoid any suspicion that I'm planning to leave. Of course, I will give appropriate notice when I do leave.

Thoughts?

Disengage yourself from worrying about anything that isn’t directly your job. Forget about how things are run if you aren’t involved in those decisions. Don’t discuss or gossip about them with other people. If you used to and they ask why you don’t want to anymore, just say you don’t feel good talking about it and you want to avoid negative energy. Just focus on doing your job and only raise issues if you need to to do your work. 

If someone says you don’t seem like yourself, give them a generic excuse - “I haven’t been sleeping well”, “I don’t feel good today” (if female, you can hint at having PMS), “I’m just really busy.”

 I use music in the mornings to pump myself up. A dance party at home or a session at the gym while blasting tunes chases the blues away and it’s hard to be miserable at work after a good sweat and a nice shower. 

Also if you feel bad, dress up more. Look amazing for work every day and people will compliment you on how great you look and you’ll feel better, too.

Vent to people you know outside of work about work. Resist the temptation to rely on alcohol, drugs or food. Use music, journaling, exercise, sports etc instead. 

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2 hours ago, providence said:

Disengage yourself from worrying about anything that isn’t directly your job. Forget about how things are run if you aren’t involved in those decisions. Don’t discuss or gossip about them with other people. If you used to and they ask why you don’t want to anymore, just say you don’t feel good talking about it and you want to avoid negative energy. Just focus on doing your job and only raise issues if you need to to do your work. 

If someone says you don’t seem like yourself, give them a generic excuse - “I haven’t been sleeping well”, “I don’t feel good today” (if female, you can hint at having PMS), “I’m just really busy.”

 I use music in the mornings to pump myself up. A dance party at home or a session at the gym while blasting tunes chases the blues away and it’s hard to be miserable at work after a good sweat and a nice shower. 

Also if you feel bad, dress up more. Look amazing for work every day and people will compliment you on how great you look and you’ll feel better, too.

Vent to people you know outside of work about work. Resist the temptation to rely on alcohol, drugs or food. Use music, journaling, exercise, sports etc instead. 

You forgot to tell her to smile, to seem more like her usual cheerful self... :rolleyes:

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If anyone asks you about you, give a brief noncommittal reply and then immediately ask about them. People love talking about themselves and will quickly get distracted. 

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2 minutes ago, Hegdis said:

If anyone asks you about you, give a brief noncommittal reply and then immediately ask about them. People love talking about themselves and will quickly get distracted. 

Very good advice. Lawyers are ridiculously self-involved and love talking about themselves...

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1 hour ago, epeeist said:

You forgot to tell her to smile, to seem more like her usual cheerful self... :rolleyes:

Why would I tell her that? (definitely a her?)

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7 hours ago, providence said:

Why would I tell her that? (definitely a her?)

I was making a joke, you know about women being told to smile, sexist suggestions, RBF, etc. I assume OP was a woman and/or identified as such because of her login name (though an adult woman using "girl" to describe herself or other women? Not woke! :lol:).

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Thanks everyone for you input! I like the suggestion of turning the question around and asking how others are doing. Definitely works like a charm. I am at the point where it is taking all my energy not to quit so anything that makes me talk less is welcomed.

For the record, I'm cool with calling myself a girl in my screename (given I did make this account when I was a teenager). Does not mean I'd accept it when used to demean women IRL. 

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9 minutes ago, Law Girl26 said:

Thanks everyone for you input! I like the suggestion of turning the question around and asking how others are doing. Definitely works like a charm. I am at the point where it is taking all my energy not to quit so anything that makes me talk less is welcomed.

For the record, I'm cool with calling myself a girl in my screename (given I did make this account when I was a teenager). Does not mean I'd accept it when used to demean women IRL. 

You go girl! :twisted:

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Update: In case people are in the same position as I am or will be in the future, LSO offers career counselling free of charge for members. It has been extraordinarily helpful for me in developing strategies not to sweat the small stuff and continue being productive.

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