Thank you for the thoughtful messages and kind words. This morning I accepted that I was in crisis and a danger to myself, so I reached out to some resources for help. It's been a long day of sitting in waiting rooms and explaining myself to health professionals, but I am safer than I was earlier. There's a tough road ahead and I'm still anxious about my career. But I do feel that after months and months of falling into a hole, I maybe took a small step back up today.
I need help. but I'm too afraid to tell anyone how bad it is because I don't want to lose my career and everything I've worked so hard for up to this point. how do you tell a firm that you've only been an associate at for a few months that you can't come to work because you checked yourself into the hospital to stop yourself from jumping off a bridge. Even if they say all the right things, I don't expect them to really want me around afterwards. Does anyone have experience having to leave work for a serious mental health crisis and being able to recover their career afterwards. I'm so afraid that getting help is just going to make my life worse after its all said and done. (I know throwaway accounts aren't allowed, but how can anyone be expected to talk about something like this if there's a chance someone could figure out who they are)