Looking for a bit of advice from any Crown who is willing to offer it.
I've been a Crown for a couple of months and am having an extremely difficult time managing my anxiety. I am struggling with the lack of mentorship - I have been scheduled for a number of serious trials with no guidance, and having no idea what to do. People in the office are so busy with their own matters that they don't really have time to answer many questions, and I hate bothering them.
I spend hours and hours every day after court preparing for my list courts the following day (which I'm scheduled for most days / week). The hours that I am pouring into this are not sustainable (16-18 hrs / day, sometimes more ... working most weekends) and there never seems to be "mental down time", since I have to be so switched on all day. I'm also working through my lunches, which are very short since our court is so busy we usually run late - and the judges will generally have me look into things over the break.
I always hold it together at work, but haven't been able to stop crying when I come home, in the shower in the morning before work. I come home and dread what the next day will bring. Trials actually stress me out less than list courts.
This is my dream job, or so I thought. It is a job that I take a lot of pride in, and maybe I'm burning myself out trying to be too perfect. I take the responsibility that this job brings very seriously. I am wondering if anyone else felt like this when they started. Friends have told me that the first year is the hardest, but things will gradually get better as I become more comfortable. I personally feel as though I'm on the verge of burning out. I rarely have time to eat, I've been throwing up and getting very sick thanks to anxiety, and I am really starting to wonder if this is all worth it. For context, I haven't had a break for more than a couple of days in about 4 years. I am now second guessing everything.
Wondering if anyone can share their experiences starting out with me, and how they dealt with the growing pains. Any time management tips would be greatly appreciated too. I am one of those people who really need time to think things out, and am starting to thing that being a trial lawyer may not be the right fit for me (all fast-paced).