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I am a mother and I am in law school... ask me anything


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#1 lawschoolbound2

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Posted 30 November 2016 - 06:37 PM

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I see a number of posts from women anxious about getting into the field of law if they are planning on having kids in the future. I see questions about when is the "best" time to have kids, how to balance family and work life, what is the most flexible field to get into etc. 

I have two kids and am in 3L. started law school with a 1 year old and had a my second during law school. 

Ask me anything!


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#2 Bishop1234

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Posted 01 December 2016 - 01:57 PM

Thank-you for starting this topic. I have 2 children and will be starting law school next year with a 1 year old.
What were the biggest challenges you faced in your first year?
Did you work part-time while you were in school?

#3 AuriandFoxen

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Posted 01 December 2016 - 02:38 PM

I have gotten some advice to have my first child during school instead of after while I'm working/articling -- do you have any opinion on this?

 

Thank you for starting this topic. It's hard subject to broach with people.


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#4 krumb

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Posted 04 December 2016 - 06:53 PM

I'm a mother in law school as well. I have three kids -- they were 2,3, and 8 when I started. I'm in 3L now. It has been hard, but not impossible. i'm married to someone who is a very involved dad/partner, which probably accounts for the "not impossible" part.

 

I'm happy to answer questions too, but -- maybe not until after exams end next week. Three kids plus four exams = not much time for forum discussions.


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#5 whereverjustice

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Posted 05 December 2016 - 12:39 PM

I have two kids and am in 3L. started law school with a 1 year old and had a my second during law school. 

 

  • Do we all love Baby Jake? What's the deal with that family?
  • Sarah and duck (Quack.) Sarah and duck (Quack.) Sarah and duck?
  • Why haven't the Elves thrown off the oppressive Thistle monarchy? When the time comes, will Ben put Holly to the gibbet?
  • Who does Dora think is controlling the spectral cursor? Who actually is?
  • Is Sportacus the worst protagonist ever, in anything?
  • Wouldn't we all be better off if Masha just spoke in the original Russian, rather than subjecting us to the stilted phrasing of the translations?

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#6 kurrika

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Posted 05 December 2016 - 01:44 PM

Am I some weird outlier? I don't let my kid watch any of those shows.


Am I one of those parents?

Edited by kurrika, 05 December 2016 - 01:47 PM.


#7 Quattro

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Posted 10 January 2017 - 10:01 PM

I'm a 1L with a 1 year old. My husband and I have started talking about siblings and trying for another but timing seems a huge impediment. For those that had babies during law school, how did you manage your course work and were you able to get accommodation from your school?

#8 lawschoolbound2

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Posted 18 January 2017 - 08:04 PM

Sorry it has taken me a while to reply, got busy and overwhelmed with exams!

 

Bishop1234-Congrats on your acceptance into law school! I would say that the biggest challenge in 1L was the combo of getting used to law school along with the challenges of balancing my family and the workload. Before law school, I had been home with my child so I wasn't used to juggling the two. If you have already been in school with kids or working while being a mom, you are a step ahead of the game and I am sure you will have an easier time finding a good balance. I have an extremely supportive partner who was always willing to step in and help with household duties and childcare and it is so important to have a strong support system whether it is a spouse/partner, other family members or friends. Don't be afraid to ask for help, it is something I see way too often with women who feel like they need to prove they can do everything and do it well- no one can take care of everything and its important to realize that and ask for and accept help. 

 

Another challenge that I wasn't really prepared for was socially; most students are young and don't have the responsibility of taking care of a family; there are a lot of social events and drinking after school. I never took part in that; I didn't have much time with my kids as it was and I didn't feel right taking time away from them to hang out. I was always either studying or with my kids. If the social event was a professional event, or networking I would go, but I never had the time to just hang out with my peers. I still had many friends but I definitely did miss out in that aspect. I will advise you to find a couple of "mom friends"- I did, and we became so close right away because we were going through the same struggles and could really relate to each other. It really really helped me, having a couple of people that were in the same situation that you could vent to and that understood. The standard law school student is totally focused on school, nothing but school and grades and OCI's, and you will be dealing with all of that plus carpool, potty training, doctor's appt's etc. It's a lot to deal with and helpful to have someone to talk to. 

I did not work part time- I feel like it would have been impossible for me to do so. My family and school were already completely overwhelming. I would strongly advise against working part time unless it is absolutely necessary. you have so much on your plate already. 

 

AuriaandFoxen- It's a great question, and something I was recently discussing with a female prof. The prof's view was that law school is the best time to have kids- no pressure from the firm to return to work already, not being nervous that you are missing the partner track etc. I understand where she is coming from as law school is VERY accommodating to women that are pregnant/give birth in law school. you can take a semester off, go part time etc. If you have the time to take off, and are not strapped financially, I would say law school is a good time to have a baby in that you don't have the pressure to get back into work and can take it at your own pace. but keep in mind if you do have a baby during school, you won't be graduating with your class and if you had a job lined up and have to push it off I'm not sure how that would work. You will also be dealing with studying and being up with a baby all night, and the sleep deprivation is a killer. I was barely functioning for a semester. At least with work you get mat leave....  I can't advise you if it's better to have kids while you are working, because I haven't been in that situation (yet!). I imagine every firm is different, I will be working in a small firm that seems very accommodating and flexible, and that is a main reason why I chose to work there. The reality is for us there is NEVER a good time to have kids!! Law is a huge part of me, but it is not the main part of my life, my kids are my everything. And I think women that keep waiting for the perfect time will hopefully realize, sooner then later, that there just isn't. it's just the reality of the profession. I spoke to a female partner at one of the top law firms a couple of months ago who told me if I ever want to see my kids for dinner, I should not be joining that law firm. That is just the way it is. So you make choices, there is no right or wrong choice, just make sure the choice you make will be the best one for yourself and for your family. 

 

Hope this helps!!


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#9 Bishop1234

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Posted 19 January 2017 - 09:55 AM

Thanks for your thoughts! I am looking forward to the challenge that lies ahead.

#10 Uriel

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Posted 19 January 2017 - 01:36 PM

Ask me anything!

 

Yes, I have two questions for all the moms in this thread:

 

Are you all right?

 

Can I get you anything?

 

Sincerely,

 

A New Dad that Can't Believe How Awesome You Must Be


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#11 madame

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Posted 19 January 2017 - 03:30 PM

I'm the mother of a one year old, and I'm due with baby number two this year, before school starts (I will be a 1L).

My question is - nanny or daycare? My husband works full-time (also very supportive, when he is available to be), is sometimes away for work travel, and I will be commuting to school (about an hour with traffic). Between a newborn and a toddler, I'm debating on a nanny for the convenience of coming to me. 

 

Thanks! It's nice to read this isn't impossible. 



#12 Tussl3

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Posted 20 January 2017 - 03:58 AM

I'm the mother of a one year old, and I'm due with baby number two this year, before school starts (I will be a 1L).
My question is - nanny or daycare? My husband works full-time (also very supportive, when he is available to be), is sometimes away for work travel, and I will be commuting to school (about an hour with traffic). Between a newborn and a toddler, I'm debating on a nanny for the convenience of coming to me.

Thanks! It's nice to read this isn't impossible.


Congrats on the little one you're expecting later this year! I'm currently in 3L and had a baby in the middle of last semester, and I also have a four-year-old. My husband is on parental leave. Could that work for you and your husband? It might not be doable due to the decrease in income, but it could be the better option if you'd still have more funds than you would if you had to pay for a nanny or daycare (especially if your husband's employer offers parental benefits top-up).

But if your husband taking parental leave isn't an option, I think the convenience of having a nanny come to you would be extremely helpful. Even with strategic course scheduling this semester, I think I'd be stressed out having to worry about daycare drop-off and pick-up everyday, with both a newborn and toddler in tow. My first son was in daycare during 1L and it worked out really well, but he was already 2 and I didn't have to work around a newborn sleeping and feeding schedule, which, as I'm sure you already know, can be all over the place, ahhh!!! Lol. I can't speak to the nanny experience since I've never had one before, but with my husband on parental leave I can say that it's such a relief knowing that I don't have to wake the baby for daycare drop-off (particularly on those mornings when we've had a fussy night and he needs to sleep in - there's truly nothing worse than an overtired baby, right?!? Haha!).
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#13 madame

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Posted 21 January 2017 - 04:33 PM

Congrats on the little one you're expecting later this year! I'm currently in 3L and had a baby in the middle of last semester, and I also have a four-year-old. My husband is on parental leave. Could that work for you and your husband? It might not be doable due to the decrease in income, but it could be the better option if you'd still have more funds than you would if you had to pay for a nanny or daycare (especially if your husband's employer offers parental benefits top-up).

But if your husband taking parental leave isn't an option, I think the convenience of having a nanny come to you would be extremely helpful. Even with strategic course scheduling this semester, I think I'd be stressed out having to worry about daycare drop-off and pick-up everyday, with both a newborn and toddler in tow. My first son was in daycare during 1L and it worked out really well, but he was already 2 and I didn't have to work around a newborn sleeping and feeding schedule, which, as I'm sure you already know, can be all over the place, ahhh!!! Lol. I can't speak to the nanny experience since I've never had one before, but with my husband on parental leave I can say that it's such a relief knowing that I don't have to wake the baby for daycare drop-off (particularly on those mornings when we've had a fussy night and he needs to sleep in - there's truly nothing worse than an overtired baby, right?!? Haha!).

 

Thank you very much! And wow - congratulations to you on your baby, and for sticking through school with two kids. I haven't been through it yet, but I'm already a bit nervous. 

 

Unfortunately, my husband will not be taking parental leave - he will be off a couple of weeks once the baby comes, but will head back to work after that. I think we are leaning towards the nanny option for all of the reasons you mentioned - I don't want to start off every morning stressed to the max getting a newborn and toddler ready for daycare (I know you understand where I'm coming from with this), and I'll likely be tired from the crazy feeding schedule, etc. Getting just myself ready and out the door, and leaving the kids with a nanny seems like the most ideal situation. 

 

Thanks for your input on this - I really appreciate any advice/anecdotes/etc from moms (or dads) in law school!